I am kinda lucky and unlucky that I don't have to stay with my in law. It's part of our Chinese culture that when you marry, the female, wife, moves into the male family and takes care of his family which usually consist of his parents and grandparents. You will have to take care of their meals, washing and of course the burden of giving them a grandSON, but as time pass and with the new era, many youngsters opp to live away from their parent and in laws to prevent family feud.
My husband's mom lived in Hong Kong and we live in New York, so by luck I don't have to move into his family. But I've lived with his mom before when she visits New York and days felt like months, months felt like years. It's not easy living with another person. You have your own routine and suddenly this person comes into your life and routine and changes everything.
It's different when your own mom comes to your home and redecorates your home, you just roll your eyes and tell it straight out and let your mom know what you think. But when you mother in law moves your stuff, you grind your teeth and bear with it. In the olden days, the husband goes out to work and bring the dough home, so the home does not belong to you but to the husband. So what the mother in law wants to do to the home is up to her, cause that is her son. With the new era, both parties goes out to work and bring home the dough, and by chance maybe the wife earns more than the husband.
Coming home from work and finding she hung ropes in your bathroom and kitchen, so there's more space for her to hang her towels, hand towels, clothes. She's about 5' and I'm 5'7 and walking in the bathroom is like going through a jungle. Seeing her bra and panties hanging right in front of your face. If that's not enough, she takes the weekly flyers from stores and not to exaggerate, she takes them by bunches and my home is like a newspaper recycling center, and covers the table so there's no need for wiping the dining table and washing the table cloth. She frowns when you buy clothes, asking you how much you spent and reminds you that you still have lots of clothes in your closet and how hard her son works for the family. I would talk to her about it but she would never listens and always have a excuse for her doings. I would dread when she comes to visit and her visit would usually end with her leaving unhappily.
It's been 4 years when she visited and this time she's here to stay for 3 months and hopes to visit her granddaughter, which is my daughter Olivia. As you know and if you don't, I'm now a stay home mom so now my husband is really the bread winner of the family. I no longer can say that I bring money into the home and I use my own money to buy the things I like. I dread the jungle bathroom and the recycling center.
To my surprise, we managed to talk more. Maybe because I use Olivia as my excuse that ropes are dangerous and stacks of newspaper.. it's torn into little pieces and all over the floor and it makes her hands dirty and all that goes into her mouth. As for the bra and panties, i gave her hangers and she hangs them on the shower rod.. it's give and take. She uses the flyers during meal and clears them up after meal, and that's give and take too. My husband pulls his hair out over small matter she does but it really does not bother me anymore.
Have I changed or maybe she's changed? Or have we both learned to let it go.....
